So you recently bought some art to support a worthy cause. Good for you! The only problem? The friend you bought it from sucks at art, and how you have this shitty “painting” to deal with. Worry not! There are plenty of things you can do with such a visually assaulting monstrosity, you just have to get a little creative (we’ll see who the real artist is now, won’t we Katie?):
Wow Katie, what the fuck?
When purchasing art in the name of charity, you have to find new and creative ways to get your money’s worth out of it. Try utilizing your new “piece” as a cutting board, and because those things can run you around $20, you’ll actually be saving money! PRO TIP: Buy a bunch now, open an Etsy store, and turn a profit. That’s called “paying it forward,” and it’s just one of the many beautiful motivations art can inspire.
Because you might as well put this ugly bullshit to some good use, implementing your newly purchased work of art as a household tool will not only alleviate any resentment you feel toward both it and the friend who guilted you into buying it in the first place, but will also allow you to view it from a new perspective, which just sounds arty as fuck.
As if dealing with this dumbass painting weren’t enough, now your dog is bothering you for some mental stimulation and much needed physical activity. Do the good deeds never end?! Luckily for everyone, you can also use these precious moments of forced, human-dog bonding to hope and pray that this thing ends up over a fence or on top of your neighbor’s roof while you’re at it.
I bet you thought this was gonna suggest something like “use it as a weed tray” or even “you can do lines off of it!,” but with a visual monstrosity this repulsive, you’re gonna need to take it a step further. Why do regular-sized lines when you can cut giant-sized ones now? And if you’re gonna say something smartass like “Umm, because I don’t have a drug problem,” then how in the hell do you even know Katie’s shady ass anyway?
Sick of going to those houses with those super braggy pillows with the decorative dents chopped into the tops? (Aren’t we all?) Well you can one up all those bougie fuckers with throw pillows that were karate chopped WITH AN ACTUAL WORK OF ART! Let’s see you top that, new boyfriend’s judgemental-ass mom!
There’s no reason something visually appealing can’t come of this whole ordeal, and by using the painting’s frame as a straight edge you can hook yourself up with a tight contour line, or even give those bangs a little trim. Being the type of saint who would spend $10 on a charitable organization once, your outsides should reflect the inner beauty you posses.
You’ll really need to drive it home with redundancy if you’re going to pull this one off, so be sure to mention several times that you “can’t believe” this but you must have “accidentally” “misplaced” it “by accident” through absolutely no fault of your own. Katie doesn’t need to know that her masterpiece found its way to the curb via the driver’s side window.
Of course, purchasing art to benefit a great cause is never a bad thing and depending on how sensitive and lame you are, it might feel a little wrong not doing it justice by hanging it somewhere in your home. Fortunately, there are several oft-overlooked areas perfect for hiding the embodiment of your dear friend’s creative expression, such as behind the door of a room no one ever goes in.
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