Bill O’Reilly Outraged He’s Being Treated Like a Common Woman
April 30, 2017
“I was their most loyal and hardworking employee and they dismissed me like some feminist complaining about equal pay,” he said.
Bored Employee Considers Actually Doing His Job
March 21, 2017
“Budget spreadsheets are sounding pretty good right now, although I can’t remember if doing them is part of my job or not.”
San Juan Kicks Off Spring Break With Annual Running Of The Frat Boys
March 17, 2017
Tourists and locals try to outrun liquored-up frat boys as they stampede through the streets trampling and groping everything in their path.
Kellyanne Conway Unhinges Jaw, Swallows Live Rat At Press Conference
March 10, 2017
Conway later denied she devoured a rodent, claiming what reporters saw was her merely popping a large white tic-tac.
Relax, We’ve Got 11 Months Until We Have to Start Thinking About Black People Again
March 1, 2017
Well my fellow Americans-who-don’t-need-a-hyphen-to-define-us, another successful Black History Month has come and gone.
Zoo Declines To Name Newborn Panda, Doesn’t Want To Get “Too Attached”
February 20, 2017
“Do you know how hard it is to keep these animals alive? Slaughterhouses have a better track record than we do."
Florida Grandma Reports No New Developments In Her Neighbor’s Marital Problems
February 18, 2017
The 72-year-old retired teacher has been dedicatedly following this story since it first broke two months ago.