Aspiring Actress Cast as Busty Warrior Queen in Coworker’s Sex Dream
August 9, 2017
After months of failed auditions, the part-time waitress/actress landed the starring role in her co-worker Todd’s recurring sex dream.
Campers In New Jersey Warned To Be On Lookout For Feral Chris Christie
July 16, 2017
“He was wild-eyed and stank of high-level political corruption. When he saw us he ran off with all the beer he didn’t already drink.”
High School Senior Boasts Highest Blood Alcohol Level In His Class
June 22, 2017
“We’re all capable of great things. Greatness can be found anywhere, even at the bottom of a bottle. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Mom Totally Fine With Son Being Gay And If He Decides He’s Straight Again That’s Fine Too
June 15, 2017
“I’ve always wanted to be a grandmother, but if Daniel has kids he’ll probably adopt them from China or…not that it matters, of course..."
Trump Returns From First Presidential Tour With Souvenirs, New Wife
May 26, 2017
“She will be living at the White House, right? My taxes won’t be paying to guard some penthouse in Dubrovnik, will they?”
Bill O’Reilly Outraged He’s Being Treated Like a Common Woman
April 30, 2017
“I was their most loyal and hardworking employee and they dismissed me like some feminist complaining about equal pay,” he said.
Bored Employee Considers Actually Doing His Job
March 21, 2017
“Budget spreadsheets are sounding pretty good right now, although I can’t remember if doing them is part of my job or not.”