Tyler Cunningham, a sophomore at Somerset High School in New Jersey, found himself in hot water this week when he bravely stood up to overreaching (and allegedly “icky”) Vice Principal Milner.
The problem? Junior Jessica Fairbanks was pulled out of class and told she needed to cover up. Cunningham just happened to be walking by when he saw Milner reprimanding a visibly distraught Fairbanks.
“I’m no hero,” Cunningham told local reporters. “I’m just a man with a dream. A dream that one day, [Fairbanks] and all other hot girls can come to class wearing those shorts where their butt cheeks hang out the bottom or see through dresses and black thongs.”
When asked if all girls should be given the agency to dress like complete slut bags, Cunninghan stated that this was “a multifaceted issue with no one-size-fits-all solution.” He claimed that all hot girls should be allowed to bare “as much cleavage as the good lord gave them,” but this rule couldn’t safely apply to all students.
“The bottom line is that life is full of tricky gray areas. Butter-face Stacy should probably be dressing sluttier, but Fat Ashley? She needs to keep that shit covered up.” Wise words from one very brave high school boy.
Vice Principle Milner declined to comment, but several students speculate that he only pulled Fairbanks out of class to “stare down her shirt like a total perv.”