Dear Shane,
A few days ago, I developed a weird rash on my dick. It has since spread to roughly 37% of my body, and my temperature is currently at 103 degrees. I had originally posted a question about it on Yahoo! Answers, but the “best” answer says I have to go to a doctor.
Obviously, the whole reason I’m on Yahoo! Answers is to avoid going to the doctor in the first place. I live in a small town, so there’s only one hospital, and while it does take my insurance, I beat up one of their doctors last year (long story). The point is, I’m not allowed to go there anymore, and going to the next closest hospital would mean asking one of my buddies for a ride. Unfortunately, everyone I know is also sick since I threw a shindig the night the rash showed up, and apparently this thing is super contagious.
So is going to the doctor really the “best” answer? Someone else said I should drink seven gallons of white wine vinegar, but nobody voted for that one. I would definitely prefer to do that, however, since I can just run to the 7-Eleven around the corner. What’s YOUR answer?
Sincerely,
Rash Decision
Dear Rash Decision,
A rash on your weiner?? Shit. That is fucked, but you came to the right place, my man. Also, beating up a doctor sounds rad, so kudos on that.
First of all, I totally get it. Not the diseased dick part, but definitely the Yahoo! Answers part. I’m STILL waiting on a question about the expiration date on a Hungry Man chicken dinner from TWO YEARS ago, but you gotta remember that sometimes life’s best things don’t come right away… like that chick I banged last night. Get it? Not to make light of your puffy peen, but they do say laughter is the best medicine. Hope I made you chuckle, dude.
Anyway, back to your main concern: one of my teachers once said the answer is always in the question, or maybe it was Splinter from Ninja Turtles, who probs taught me more than any of my dumbass teachers anyway. I feel like in your case, the Yahoo! answer is in the Yahoo! question (see what I did there? Haha. More Rx for ya right there).
Basically, why not just get “meta” and take the question you asked me back to Yahoo! Answers? I realize you got a lot going on what with that medical situation, so it’s a great opportunity to crowdsource some shit. All you gotta do is copy and paste the same shiz you wrote to me, then wait for the responses to roll in.
You might be wondering, “What if no one responds in time?” or “What if I don’t like any of THOSE answers?” Then I don’t know, bro. Maybe you’re just dead then? Still sounds a whole lot better than having some rando with an “M.D.” touch your schlong. Plus, it sounds like your buddies are in the same boat so you can at least commiserate. In the meantime, I don’t think chugging some vinegar would hurt, and it might give you a little buzz.
Shit, my dong feels itchy just reading this over now. I mean, only in a completely psychological way because I definitely don’t have a rash on MY dick. (To all the ladies who read my column on the reg, I assure you “Little Shane” is 100% STD-free and 110% up for banging.)
Peace,
Shane
P.S. Send me the link so I can vote on my fav answer.
