Not even a rushing river of Mountain Dew can adequately quench the thirst of a young man seeking the dutiful affections of a woman.
But alas, even after minutes (or if the gentleman has the patience of a 18th century aristocrat, hours) of being “nice”, oftentimes the woman in question will fail to realize she is a mere one-dimensional object that should hastily agree to all social and gender normatives thrust upon her by a righteous male. And thus the purgatory of being a “nice” guy in the friendzone was born:
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