Can We Guess How Your Marriage Will End?

Chances are if you’re taking this quiz, it’s too late to talk you out of getting married. No matter how good your relationship seems now, it will eventually end in a flaming train wreck of heart break and pain. Though we can’t stop the inevitable horror show from happening, we can at least clue you in on how it will go down with this quiz that scientifically predicts how your marriage will end:

1. How did you and your spouse meet?

   1. I don't remember what I had for breakfast, you expect me to remember that?
   2. Online. I thought it was funny how they had "Charles Manson" under heroes -- what a joker!
   3. Their ex was my best friend.... was.
   4. At a riding lesson.

2. What did you get your spouse for their last birthday?

   1. Shit, I missed it!
   2. A new saddle.
   3. Concert tickets ... they're taking a friend.
   4. A new machete, it's all they asked for!

3. Your spouse decides that it's time to have children. How do you react?

   1. I'm a little apprehensive after that joke they made about how the neighbor's daughter would make a good coat.
   2. Great, another paternity test.
   3. Kids? Can't we get a dog instead?
   4. Neigh!

4. Where did you go for your honeymoon?

   1. The Kentucky Derby.
   2. Burger King.
   3. The Bates Motel.
   4. We were supposed to go to Paris but ... they went with a friend.

5. Your spouse suggests a threesome, how do you respond?

   1. Sweet! Wait, are they part of it?
   2. I'd love to have another little filly join us for a roll in the hay.
   3. With that creepy mannequin again? No thank you!
   4. *sigh* Can I least watch this time?

6. You notice that your spouse could stand to lose a few pounds. How do you bring it up to them without hurting their feelings?

   1. Hey honey, you’re not holding anything sharp right? Good, we need to talk about your weight...
   2. I'm sorry, was the "No Fat Dudes" T-shirt not clear?
   3. I don't know what kind of workout that trainer at the gym is giving you but it doesn't seem to be working.
   4. Babe I think it's time to put down the feedbag.

7. How does your spouse get along with your family?

   1. Not that well but in their defense, my mother can be kind of a nag sometimes.
   2. I haven't introduced them yet. It keeps slipping my mind.
   3. She's really close with my dad. They even hang out sometimes when I'm not even there!
   4. My Mom loves 'em!

8. After a long week you look forward to a Friday night out with your spouse. Where do you go for date night?

   1. We do the same thing every week, dinner and then the morgue. I really want to go somewhere new.
   2. To the track.
   3. Nowhere. Friday night is Xbox and Natty Ice night.
   4. The book club. Funny, I never see them reading anything though….

Murder

Your marriage will end in death.... yours. You've clearly married a serial killer and it's only a matter of time before they bring their work home. Your only hope of saving your marriage - and yourself - is to start luring home unsuspecting hobos for your spouse to slaughter and even then, there are no guarantees.

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Divorce

Your marriage will end in divorce because frankly, you're kind of a dick. You clearly weren't ready to get married and you offer no emotional support for your spouse. You're a horrible person in general and whatever deal you made with the devil in order to get someone to marry you in the first place has almost expired.

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Infidelity

Your spouse is cheating on you and they are not even going out of their way to hide it. All those times was working late? Banging the secretary. You can try counseling but they’ll probably just end up doing the marriage counselor. Next time get you get the urge to get married, buy a puppy instead. At least they're loyal.

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You're Actually A Horse

Your marriage will end because you're obviously a horse. That fake moustache and occasionally walking on two legs may have fooled your significant other this long, but eventually they will figure out that you're actually a horse. And then it's back to the farm for you or worse, the glue factory.

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Enjoy figuring out how your marriage will end? Then be sure to take our other quizzes on which Mad Men character are you and let us guess why no one loves you.