Adult man Adam Shepherd was left speechless last week when a Skype call with his parents revealed personal details of their relationship no child wants to hear. Overstepping any and all sense of boundaries, parents Connie and Bob Shepherd saw an opportunity and took it, crediting their long relationship to the “Nobel Prize in sexual chemistry” awarded them each year.
“I mean, what the fuck are you supposed to do in that situation?,” asked Shepherd, 29, of the remark made by his sexually compatible 62-year-old parents.
Calling for their usual bi-weekly check-in, Shepherd and family discussed various matters typical of a phone call home. The conversation took a sharp turn in the wrong direction after approaching the topic of current events, mainly, of the news surrounding musician Bob Dylan, who had won the Nobel Prize for Literature just weeks prior.
“We started talking about Dylan and the literature thing, and then we started talking about the other winners and then they started giggling and everything just went really bad, really fast,” Shepherd recalled.
Never one to miss an opportunity to make his son uncomfortable, dad Bob Shepherd chimed in with a joke, crediting his long and apparently carnally satisfying marriage to wife Connie to the “Nobel Prize we’ve won in Sexual Chemistry every year since 1979,” before honking two imaginary boobs in the air in front of him.
“Not cool,” said Shepherd.
“It’s not even like we were on the phone either, it was fucking Skype,” he added, referring to the passionate kiss and possible grope shared by the two. “I could see everything.”
“Adam needs to grow up, honestly,” said mom, Connie. “If he’s all in a huff over some joke about the intense physical connection his father and I share, then he should be really glad he wasn’t able to make it home last Easter after all because I still can’t find that bra. I’ll just leave it at that.”
When reached for further comment, Adam Shepherd was said to be reading back-to-back issues from a Calvin & Hobbes anthology in the hopes of scouring his brain of any memory retained from this conversation.