April 1st is the perfect time to play a brilliant prank on a friend, family member, or colleague. But since no good practical joke should end without the victim screaming, tearing at your throat, and swearing bloody vengeance, where does that leave those of us who are terrible at dealing with confrontation? Not to worry — these 10 special pranks were custom designed just for you, the person with no backbone whatsoever!
The Early Wake-Up
This April 1st, get the day going early by bursting into your roommate’s bedroom a full 30 minutes before their alarm is set to go off. Throwing caution to the wind, yell, “Wakey-wakey, sunshine!” and surprise them with a delightful cooked breakfast and fresh squeezed orange juice. It’s a master prank that is almost guaranteed not to result in anyone screaming at you, which is really the goal.
The Shower Switcheroo
But you haven’t finished messing with them yet — not by a long shot! Here’s where your cunning and preparation pay off. The night before April 1st, sneak into the bathroom and replace the head on their electric toothbrush. Then cackle evilly to yourself as you watch them try to figure out why their teeth feel ever so slightly cleaner than normal. It’ll drive them bonkers!
The Timetable Tease
What’s this — your friend is getting ready to stroll out and catch their bus? Not today, friend! Here’s where you pull your best stunt yet. Stick your head around their bedroom door and inform them that you just saw that the timetables have changed, and the buses are now coming two minutes earlier than usual.
Watch your friend freak out as they leave the house and walk down the street at a slightly quicker pace than normal, then arrive with plenty of time to buy a coffee before getting on the bus. You’re a wild man!
The Coffee Shop Shenanigan
Now it’s your turn to buy coffee and play this little jape on the barista! When they ask you if you want your usual — the disgusting non-fat decaf skim latte with pomegranate foam that they gave you the first time by mistake, then every time subsequently, and which you have been too polite to correct them on — tell them no, and that you just want a cup of tea.
Everyone will get a good laugh out of the look of blank confusion on the poor sucker’s face before you relent and tell him that yes, the usual would be lovely, thank you, thank you so much, sorry about that, thank you.
The Morning Meeting Maddener
When your team leader checks in on you at work to see how that report’s coming along, you drop your first bomb of the day. Eyebrows raised innocently, you ask, “What report?” They’ll no doubt reply with something hysterically puzzled, like, “The Johnson report, the one I just emailed you about, you’ll have it in by 11, right?” as they walk away, totally pranked. For an extra kicker, get that report in by 10:30. They won’t know what to make of it!
The Lunch Prank
As everyone else goes out for pizza, tell them you brought your own lunch with you — even though you didn’t! They won’t have invited you, so make sure to send an email to be certain they know. Then just work through your lunch hour, trying not to giggle hysterically at the fact that everyone thinks you’re having leftover lasagna, when in fact you’re just going hungry in your lonely cubicle. It’s a killer!
The Meeting Meltdown
When your boss calls you into her office at 5 pm to tell you that she’s very sorry, but due to the economic downturn, your position is no longer viable and she has to let you go, stand up and loudly exclaim, “This is an outrage!”
Watch her fumble to explain, before quickly assuring her that you quite understand being let go when the two people who started after you and never work as late as you and never buy donuts for the whole office but who people still seem to like in a way that no one ever seems to like you although you try so hard just like mom and dad keep telling you to are keeping their jobs. You’ll still be cracking up as Security escorts you out of the building!
The Folks Get Fooled
When you get to your parents’ house for dinner, offer to keep an eye on the stove. Quickly pop two pieces of bread in the toaster, and turn it all the way up until they burn. Oh no! Now your parents think you’ve ruined dinner, just like they think you ruin everything.
They’ll hilariously run into the room and ask why on earth you’re making toast, and what the hell is wrong with you anyway, and why are you still such an annoyance after all these years, which, for old times’ sake, you’ll respond to by staring at the floor and muttering, “I don’t know, I’m sorry. I’m just…I’m sorry.” Prank level? Grand master.
The Fake Date
As your parents ask you what you’re doing with your life, and why you aren’t successful yet, like your brother, pull out this whammy: You have a girlfriend, and have been going steady for two months! Enjoy seeing their amazement that maybe you aren’t a failure at everything, then admit you made it up and burst into tears. Secretly cackle at the usual looks of disgusted pity on their faces as they silently leave the room and go to bed, leaving you alone in the dark. But don’t go nuts just yet – there’s still one more incredible prank to go!
The Blaze Of Glory
That night, it’s time to pull your masterstroke. Pour gasoline into various corners of your parents’ house, take their cell phones, disconnect the landline, then leave, locking all the doors behind you. Tie a small piece of flammable rag to the tail of a medium-sized rat, then light it and insert the rat through the mail slot. The panicked rodent will run in all directions, lighting several small fires that will flummox any arson investigator attempting to pinpoint the source of the lethal inferno. When you get back to your apartment, aim the pistol you took from your dad's bedside draw into your mouth and, with surprisingly little sadness or regret, pull the trigger. Congratulations — you'll stay confrontation-free, since you won't be around! Ultimate April Fool awesomeness achieved!