Roommate Just Wondering How Your Hot Friend Megan Is Doing
May 11, 2017
Oh, Megan. Megan who has long brown hair which she washes more than once a week and has never even been mistaken for a man.
Scientists Think Male T-Rex May Have Used Penis For Sex
May 10, 2017
Paleontologists consider the T-Rex to be the biggest dick in the dinosaur kingdom, but a new discovery suggests it may have also had one.
South Carolina Women’s Basketball Team Visits White House; Immediately Asked To Clean Dishes
May 7, 2017
South Carolina's Women's basketball team was welcomed to the White House where they were immediately led to the kitchen to get to work.
How Cheaping Out On My Elderly Parent’s Medical Supplies Taught Me To Let Go
May 6, 2017
It wasn’t until I started cheaping out on my parent’s medical needs that I learned to let go of the past and start looking towards the future.
When I Tried To Kill Myself, I Was Way Too Drunk To Operate A Tape Recorder: 13 Reasons Why 13 Reasons Why Is Bullshit
May 4, 2017
I’ve stayed sober long enough today to come up with thirteen reasons why 13 Reasons Why is bullshit if you're an overweight balding divorcee.
Donald Trump Signs Executive Order Cancelling Cinco De Mayo
May 2, 2017
Cheers rose to deafening levels as Donald Trump announced the new name of the beloved holiday: “Just The Fifth of May.”
White House Still Can’t Get The Kid Rock Smell Out
May 1, 2017
"No matter what we do, it still smells like a dead raccoon soaked in Old Crow came back to life, and then died again behind a leaky radiator."