In the immortal words of Seinfeld, 95 percent of the world is undateable; of course no one actually does themselves the favor of listening to that wisdom before first embarking on a totally demoralizing romantic journey of their own. Today, we enjoy thirty-four hilariously bad first date stories from Twitter that make a life with your right hand seem like paradise:

If you enjoyed these horrible first date stories, check out our other posts on roommate horror stories and ridiculous Tinder profiles that make us want to give it up!

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