Yoga Poses That Say “I Eat Ass”

Back Bend

How you work out can say a lot about you. It can indicate what your interests are, how much patience you have, and even your income. Sometimes, it’s about self-betterment or meeting a goal. And sometimes it’s about good old fashion butt stuff. You never know, maybe the partner of your dreams is at Wednesday Night Flow. Show them how great you are with these popular yoga poses that say, “Hey, I eat ass”:

Downward Dog

The downward dog is a staple of any yoga practice. A well-executed downward dog can stretch the shoulders, hamstrings, calves, arches, and hands – and also the imagination. Send a message to potential partners that they should call the kennel and ask for you, because you love sniffing ass!

Headstand

The headstand is a complicated pose that will definitely intimidate Linda from Thursday’s all level class. The headstand increases nutrients and blood flow to the face. This will be helpful considering where your face is going to end up later. Only for the advanced ass eater – sometimes things just taste better from a new direction.

Lotus Position

Nothing makes a person feel more peaceful than getting some kinky action. Maybe in the form of analingus. The lotus position increases awareness and attentiveness – all skills that scream “I can avoid that tiny piece of toilet paper clinging to your butt hair.”

Backbend

Sometimes when pleasuring your partner, you just need to get up in there, and nothing can help more than a backbend. This pose says “I care about my physical fitness” and also “I can incorporate some ballplay into our routine as well.”

Locust Pose

This pose is best done with a loose jaw and a relaxed tongue. You know when your tongue falls asleep and you wonder if you’ll ever regain jaw mobility? TG for this free yoga class, amirite?

Tortoise Pose

They say the tortoise is slow steady and wins the race. This pose will make you a sexual winner with all potential partners. After all, nothing says “I eat ass” like being halfway to eating your own.

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