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How she would have died: Years of hard partying have left Lohan immune to all conventional drugs, reducing her to smoking a mixture of Drano and asbestos in order to feel anything. Unfortunately the concoction erodes Lohan’s intestines so much that when the "Mean Girls" star sits on the toilet to pass what she assumes is a routine miscarriage, she actually shits out her entire digestive system.
Who we would trade her for: Jon Polito