Top 10 Holidays to Drunkenly Ruin

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july-4

What being an American means to me is booze and fireworks, and not necessarily in that order. The problem with fireworks though, especially the ones you get in the back alley of Tijuana whorehouse, is that they will eventually blow up in your face. But like I always say: "if life hands you a raging fire at your brother's suburban home caused by bottle rockets sold by whores, make 'smores."