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Abu From Aladdin

Abu is the original shitty friend who is constantly ragging on his buddy's girl. What, Abu? Is Jasmine's teal ensemble "too revealing?" You can come up with whatever excuse helps you sleep at night, but we all know the truth: you think no one will ever be good enough for Aladdin, because if he leaves you for someone else, you'll have to deal with the dismal, lonely reality of your hollow bachelor lifestyle, you pathetic Capuchin.