Natural Birth Cafe

When it comes to my shopping habits, I make it a point to vote with my dollars and only shop locally. As a conscious consumer, I don’t mind spending a little extra dough if it means supporting the mom and pop shops in my community, which is why I’m having a natural birth on the adorably quaint mismatched couches of this locally-owned cafe.

In those chain coffee shops, I’m just another nameless face supporting their bottom line. But here at Copper Moon Coffee, they care about me as a person. They know my name, my favorite drink (iced raspberry tea with a half pump of simple syrup!), and now they’re about to see my uterus stretch 10 centimeters to push this baby out of my body.

But that is what going out of your way to explore beyond your basic-ass chain stores can get you — personal connections with people who ask how your husband’s job search is going, or how your book is coming along, and if you’re planning to eat your placenta to get extra nutrients postpartum.

I mean, you just can’t get that kind of connection in some conveyor belt corporate coffee shop.

I pride myself on being such a regular patron of this fine local establishment that I’ve even timed my birth around their usual morning rush. My plan is to labor on this birthing ball until things die down around 8, and if my doula doesn’t arrive shortly thereafter, I may ask the new barista to help me fill my birthing tub near the display of homemade crafts and wire wrapped jewelry.

I also know that local businesses have to pay their electricity bill, so to help support Copper Moon, I may request that we dim the lights or turn them off completely during my labor but don’t worry, I brought my own lanterns and battery operated candles.

On that note, I hope everyone here working on their laptops not only made a purchase to keep Copper Moon in business (wifi isn’t free!), but came here today with those computers fully charged because I’m going to need access to all the electrical outlets for my sound machine and oil diffuser.

I know what you’re thinking, and sure, I could have gone to some boring old chain coffee place like Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts, but why would I want my baby born in some lame cookie cutter establishment? I may be a new mom, but I know I don’t want my child being welcomed into the world by a bunch of corporate sheeple in matching khakis, polos, and hideous aprons.

I know that some people support chain stores because they don’t know any different, but I hope you’ll consider supporting local businesses by having your next birth in one.

Oh, just a heads up — I’ve secured a chair at Lee’s Salon and Nail Spa next door in the event that I should need an episiotomy, so if everyone could just please respect my birth plan I would appreciate it.

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