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Wall Of Flame

That night, it’s time to pull your masterstroke. Pour gasoline into various corners of your parents’ house, take their cell phones, disconnect the landline, then leave, locking all the doors behind you. Tie a small piece of flammable rag to the tail of a medium-sized rat, then light it and insert the rat through the mail slot. The panicked rodent will run in all directions, lighting several small fires that will flummox any arson investigator attempting to pinpoint the source of the lethal inferno. When you get back to your apartment, aim the pistol you took from your dad's bedside draw into your mouth and, with surprisingly little sadness or regret, pull the trigger. Congratulations — you'll stay confrontation-free, since you won't be around! Ultimate April Fool awesomeness achieved!