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St Patrick’s Day Pee

What do most sober people miss most about drinking? If you guessed “the constant and very real possibility of being arrested at any moment,” you are correct! Now that you’re sober, you probably miss those kinds of thrills, but never fear: whipping your dick out and emptying 10 pints of kidney-filtered Guinness onto the nearest hedge, parked car, or neighbor’s recycling bin will ensure at least the possibility of a citation for indecent exposure—just a li'l taste of that bad medicine you’ve been missing!