Carly Fiorina Facts

When it comes to Republican presidential nominees, Carly Fiorina is first among equals, except when it comes to polls and voter opinions. Here are some need-to-know facts about the former HP CEO.

1. Last name is Italian for “gets rooked by Steve Jobs.”

2. Oversaw merger between Hewlett-Packard/Compaq, the result of a previous merger between bad ideas and terrible foresight.

3. Against all abortion, except in cases where her campaign manager thinks it’s best.

4. Attributes success in debates to making jerk-off gesture each time opponents finish speaking.

5. Author of autobiography Tough Choices, in which she detailed life-altering decision to pick soup over salad.

6. Has brief cameo in 1996 Mars Attacks! remake as Alien #8.

7. Faces criticism from conservatives over lack of experience, male genitalia.

8. Lost senate race to Barbara Boxer after agreeing to settle election via mud wrestling challenge as suggested by then California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

9. Chairs philanthropic organization Good360, named after the average number of seconds between her embarrassing political gaffes.

10. Previously employed as Fox News commentator, but was dismissed after they found out she wasn’t the Carly from iCarly.

Like Runt on Facebook