Finding love in the modern age is a difficult feat. You have to listen, talk, and display a whole range of emotions you may or may not be actually capable of having. Before long, you’re day dreaming about being at home with your pants off with multiple glowing screens accessible in your vicinity. Alas, enter Tinder, a ‘dating’ app that has shortened the courting process so you can cut straight to uncomfortable silence and untowards advances. I ventured into this strange land to see how I, an unrepentant absurdist, could fare in the digital meat market:

You Have To Be Honest About Who You Are

Aspergers Is The Premier Dating Site For Singles With Grotesque Liver Spots

Sponsored By eHarmonyLiverSpots

How Do You Turn Down This Offer?!

Charleston Chews

I Am Quite Adept At The Art of Flirtation

Coitus Interruptus

A Rodent That Loves Molly And Brie

When Do I Move In

To Set The Record Straight, I’m Not Handicapped, Only Emotionally Crippled

Are You Handicapped

How Can You Not Respond To Steamy Dave Eggers Talk?

Death By Dave Eggers

She Didn’t Even Have Any Moon Landing Vaccine Either

Tinder Love Pills

You Gotta Put Your Best Foot Forward

Tinder Love Crippling Depression

Planning For The Future Is Important For All Loveless Relationships

Naming Our Future Child

Naming Our Future Child

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