Competition in the workforce is tough these days. What with the Obama Worldwide Recession, skyrocketing cost of living, delayed retirement, increased college graduation rates, and that thing that happened during spring break you swore you’d never talk about again, you have to make sure you stand out from the crowd. You’ve gone over your resume with a fine-toothed comb, written the perfect cover letter, and called your well connected uncle to put in a good word for you. All that’s left is the interview, and Runt is here to show you how to do it.
Show the right amount of skin: all of it
Inspire confidence with your leadership experience
Address interviewers as Master, Mistress, My Lord, or My Lady
Bring Nana’s famous shortbread cookies
Whatever you do, neither smile, nor make eye contact with your interviewer. EVER.
Refer to yourself in the third person when highlighting your qualifications and accomplishments
If you’ve never soaked a tampon in vodka then this is a good time to start
Insist that you’re sterile
Blow your competition out of the water
Be sure to follow up with a thank you note and a vial for your interviewer to fill with her blood
If you liked Runt’s Job Interview Tips be sure to check out Runt’s Rehab Style Guide.