Kim Kardashian broke the internet in 2014, and this month she broke the iTunes store with her new Kimoji app. Unfortunately, with the increasing number of countries building up their nuclear arsenal, there’s a good chance that the general region you currently live in will be the next thing to “blow up.” Water, food, and shelter may be scarce, but these full-on boss bitch Kimojis will keep your squad’s group text bae AF. YAASSS KWEEN!
Who needs a picture of a mushroom cloud when you have a picture of something that’s larger, softer, and even more epic? Let each other know you all saw the same exact ominous cloud of smoke and debris rising from the newly created ruins of your hometown. Killin’ it!
Black Nail Polish
Just because a good portion of humanity has been wiped out doesn’t mean you’re suddenly gonna let yourself go. Black polish is the perfect way to keep those nails fly while still acknowledging the heavy veil of death settling over all you can see. Another benefit: black nail polish is perfect for covering up that radioactive sludge permanently embedded under your nails. Now all you gotta do is broadcast it to your pals!
Since the entire economic system has collapsed and the U.S. has been forced into a bartering economy, dollar bills are worth even more! To make a little extra cash, why not work the pole at a makeshift strip club that a few criminals are running out of the damp basement of a now-demolished government building? Your friends are def gonna want in on this! WERK IT!!
The local grocery store is no longer there, and Uber isn’t even a thing anymore, so you gotta scavenge for food like cray. These two milk cartons you found in a ransacked bodega are giving you LIFE right now. Alert your besties so they can drink up too!
You survived the H-bomb, which means you’re totally allowed to drop an F-bomb. Accompany your numerous “Fuck this shit!” texts with this adorbs middle finger! (And even though you sold your engagement ring for a used plastic bag, it’s nice to pretend!)
You used to hate even using a Port-A-Potty, but you’re about to get a lot more comfortable with public urination. Instead of having to look onlookers in the eyes, send your buds a status update! YOLO!
Dafuq, God? Why did this happen? Who are you punishing? Haven’t we suffered enough? It’s gonna be real hard to find meaning in most things, which means you and your crew will at least briefly turn your thoughts to the Holy Bible. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Preach!
Star of David
Jesus will probs keep quiet, so you’ll try out Judaism for a hot minute.
The nuclear apocalypse has NO chill. Get ready to feel like you’re living in an eternal rerun of the Kourtney and Kim Take New York finale. Luckily, all you guys will be feeling the same. It’s like they say: misery is completely obsessed with company! And we LOVE that for you.
East Side Sign
Normal social code straight up doesn’t matter anymore. It’s important to form alliances fast, and the easiest way to do that is by joining a gang. To make sure you’re joining the same one as your fav betches, get on the same page by flashing each other a sign quick!
OMG, is that the white tiger from the zoo? He’s your pet now! And when he dies of radiation, he’ll make a fly as fuck coat. Fur game on FLEEK!
As devastating as the first few months after the initial explosion will be, just wait for nuclear fallout to come. Over the remaining decades of your life, your bod will be mutating in all kinds of ways—if you’re lucky, it’ll be mostly skin conditions. Break the news to your inner circle each time with this Kim K classic!