Trump On Putin, Duterte, Hussein: “I Guess I Have a Bad Boy Thing”
July 7, 2017
During a recent brunch, President Trump was left speechless after it was suggested that he might have a thing for "bad boys."
Trump Continues Assault On Media With 2 Girls 1 Cup Video Featuring CNN Logo On Cup
July 4, 2017
"If CNN is going to crap on the White House administration, then the President has every right to take a Cleveland Steamer on Jake Tapper’s chest."
Love Trumps Hate, Unless This Guatemalan Doesn’t Hurry The Fuck Up With My Acai Bowl
June 30, 2017
It's imperative that as a nation divided, we - is... is he putting whole milk greek yogurt on MY acai bowl? I distinctly ordered low-fat.
Trump Waiting To See If Next Shooter Dark Enough To Tweet About
June 26, 2017
"Even a name can go a long way. Something with a lot of vowels smashed together is a good indicator that he should send a tweet ASAP.”
White House Forces Sean Spicer To Wear Shock Collar During Press Briefings
June 17, 2017
"When I get angry or inappropriate with the press, the collar delivers 4500 volts directly to my neck. Questions?”
Donald Trump Celebrates Pride Month By Pardoning One Queer Kid From His Administration’s Homophobia
June 3, 2017
“I was thinking about those sweet little turkeys, so many murdered. Sad. But then one is saved! I wanted to recreate that but for the gays."
White House Press Release Written On Back of Nuclear Codes
June 2, 2017
“We have in no way jeopardized Americans,” President Trump stated in another press release written in crayon on the back of an Arby’s napkin.