Trump Says He Would Have Risen “From That Cave In Two Days, Tops” In Easter Speech

Trump Says He Would Have Risen “From That Cave In Two Days, Tops” In Easter Speech

The President seemed unimpressed with Christ on every level, going so far as to say His crucifixion was due to His own inability to lead.
Trump Announces Big Plans For “Earth Day” Finale

Trump Announces Big Plans For “Earth Day” Finale

"What do trees do for us? Nothing. It's time we remind the Earth that it works for us. And if it doesn't like it, it can go take a hike."
Millions Of Americans Cross Fingers In Hopes Of Biggest April Fools Reveal Ever

Millions Of Americans Cross Fingers In Hopes Of Biggest April Fools Reveal Ever

“I pray every night that on April 1st, Ashton Kutcher is going to crash one of Sean Spicer’s press briefings and announce a Punk'd reboot."
HGTV To Hold Border Wall Design Contest

HGTV To Hold Border Wall Design Contest

The winning team will receive $100,000 in cash, a 2017 Ford Fiesta, and the ability to have their dream for a 1,900 mile wall actualized.
Trump Promises To Get Pence Laid During Crazy Spring Break At Mar-a-Lago

Trump Promises To Get Pence Laid During Crazy Spring Break At Mar-a-Lago

The VP nearly had relations in a hot tub with a hyper-sexual foreign woman named Melania, but it was Karen he truly wanted all along.