Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

We’ve all been there: you’re a trouble-making teenager taking your first bong rip with a circle of friends while skipping algebra. After everyone has been satiated, a transformation takes place. Suddenly, one of your friends has figured out the entire freaking world and has no choice but to elucidate his new-found wisdom to the crowd. And so we introduce Conspiracy Keanu, the sage of stoners:

conspiracy keanu blue Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu atlantis Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu birds Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu sober weed Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu computer viruses Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu im retarded Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu light death reincarnation Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu poisonous air Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

conspiracy keanu sleep Conspiracy Keanu: Tales Of The Stoner Sage

Comments

Mopi18

Damn, these are deep.
Johnslender

and not very clever
- BigRiver
  
  How’s that workin out for ya? being clever?
  - Jkinney1234
    
    shadadadadadada nanananananananana
    - Ramface321
      
      BATMAN
      - CHARLIE
        
        LEADER,LEADER!
  - Tyler Durden
    
    The first rule of fight club is, you do not talk about fight club….
  - weez
    
    oh..um…it’s good.
BEE BOP POW

MIND FUCK
Bob

I actually think about the first one a lot. Kind of gets you thinking how the world would look with a palette swap.
Yay science

Dude, that air one might actually be true. During cellular respiration, the oxygen you breathe becomes a ‘reactive oxygen species’, which can cause cellular damage. And according to the Free-Radical theory, over time, the effect begins to manifest itself as aging. Heh, took me a year of biochemistry to learn that, but it only took the Stoner Sage a few hits to figure it out.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Tim-Thompson/100000136407305 Tim Thompson
  
  dude that’s so true I never really thought about it during Bio this year, but the natural remedy eat tons of tomatoes.
  - Nicole Padred
    
    why tomatoes?
    - Chaie1224
      
      Most vegetables like tomatoes have antioxidants which slow down cell damage. That slows down how badly effected you can be from getting older.
      - Wemorans2
        
        fruit -.-
      - AnitaBath
        
        Actually, the Supreme Court ruled in 1893 that tomatoes were a vegetable. Assuming you’re from the US, that is. If not, continue garnishing your decorative fruit bowls with ripe tomatoes.
      - weez
        
        knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom lies in knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Jerrrrrryyyyyy
  
  yea but what about the people in the 19th century who only lived to 30….
  - Guesty McGuest
    
    They died of many many other things that we can now medically treat, like tooth decay and the common flu.
    - G-Raffe
      
      What about that woman who lived to be 120?
      - Emily
        
        Aliens.
      - Idontlikeyou
        
        she held her breath for most of her childhood tantrums.
  - http://www.sheftlog.com sheft
    
    They didn’t die of old age, they just sucked at surviving
    - Galaxialblow
      
      lol!
  - Chill
    
    Disease, malnutrition, dirty water, stress, etc.
    
    Nice try, Stoner jerry
  - captain logic
    
    wtf… they died because they caught illnesses but didn’t have the medicine that we have today. also there was no sterilization in the medical field. has nothing to do with air
  - Abbyfacebook
    
    Maybe we’ve gotten more immune to the air.
  - Adam Haig
    
    They died before the air had time to poison them?
    And yes, oxygen in the air is actually one of the main reasons we age.
  - Furd
    
    advances in medicine, and technology. and I’m pretty sure your like 300 years off. People in the 1800′s lived to be pretty old.
  - turnzilla09
    
    but what about the people today that live to be 90+
  - MeSsedUpGirL
    
    modern medicine my friend, modern medicine sustains us from our ultimate demise.
  - Blargasm
    
    there was more oxygen in the air back then :/
  - redjujube
    
    They died at 30 due to infectious diseases caused by poor hygiene, bad drinking water and other natural causes. None of that disproves the theory that air kills you at 80 unless of course you’re a typical retarded American who can’t think his way out of a wet paper bag.
  - Katana
    
    Uh. We adapted to it?
  - Cynthia McAllister
    
    They obviously hadn’t adapted to oxygen yet. We’ve adapted to it over time thus building up a better immune system to it and allowing us to live longer.
  - Memyrvil2012irc
    
    that was the average life span, that was because of disease and lack of medicine. not from old age.
  - jamesthe1
    
    pretty sure their quality of living was much worse, so there for were not able to live long enough to supposedly be “killed by air” and died from other causes
  - W3i
    
    they died earlier because of a lack in modern medical technology such as vaccines and other useful medicines that keep us alive.
  - Notastoner
    
    People in the 19th century’s average lifespan was around 30 for other reasons. They didn’t die of old age at 30.
  - smazmansams
    
    we are slowly developing an immunity…
  - Rivaren
    
    Because of sanitary issues, and medical care wasn’t what it is today.
  - Anon
    
    maybe it’s like those calorie restriction diets: live longer by eating very little.
    only a little oxygen (minus harmful things like coal dust) = live longer?
    
    well, with all the light-headedness, I’m sure people would at least be happier.
  - Safasf
    
    they were killed by other things before the air could…obviously
  - SARAH!!
    
    they had other things to compete with… like dieases etc we are alot more medically advanced now…
  - Mack A Flynn
    
    You’re dumb.
  - Ridiculous O’Clock
    
    There was more oxygen in the atmosphere back then. Now there is less, it takes longer to kill us.
    That was actually one of the (many) reasons why dinosaurs were so big. Seriously, check it out on Google. It’s pretty interesting.
  - Scops111
    
    That was more to do, with bad sanitation, poor diets, occupations, living conditions, also a huge and overwhelming factor was due to poor medical knowledge.
  - Ezz2talk2
    
    They died because of a lack of medicine and terrible work / living conditions.
  - PoesKop25
    
    not sure if retarded or trolling…
  - Cuccoofdoom
    
    something else got them before the air could
  - phillip
    
    diseases you dumb ass
  - Brandman
    
    Simple. We’ve been building up a gradual resistance to it with the help of modern medicine.
  - HorsesAreHot
    
    they died from other things……
  - Kieran Nee
    
    other things killed them then dipshit
  - Jerrrrryyyyy_lacks_education
    
    How can anyone actually click like to this? if you were refuting his claim, it would be to say that people could live LONGER lives. Saying they lived shorter lives means they were exposed to other harmful variables, such as poor nutrition or medical care.
  - Realraptor06
    
    I`ll explain. You know, because in 19th century there were less people on Earth (proven fact that the world population is in constant growing), but the atmosphere was roughly the same, hey had more air per capita. And because they had more air, they died at a more early age.
    TA-DA.
  - forestmilla
    
    We’ve just built up a stronger tolerance since the 19th century.
  - Guest
    
    poor hygeine and health services… Air didn’t have chance to kill them.
  - CptObvious
    
    Not sure what your point is. Even if air is “bad for you” in the way that Yay science explained, that doesn’t mean that other things can’t shorten your life.
    
    That’s like saying “emphysema can’t kill you when you’re 70, because my friend’s dad got hit by a car when he was 30 and died.”
  - miekdkdkd
    
    really dude?
  - Lindaloo2183
    
    over the years we’ve built up some resistance or whatnot
  - http://twitter.com/liltortillatree Elio hernandez
    
    well there was plenty more diseases back then and plagues, the only reason we live longer now is because medicine plays a major part in our survival but you never know any of these could be true
  - Nico Pozsgay
    
    Well other things killed them, we can only fix one problem at a time
    
    http://www.songsfortonight.com
  - I2true4who
    
    Mabe we are naturally adapting to our own environment by building an immunity to the air?
  - Yeahkk
    
    …and if your dad backs over you in the driveway, you might only live until age 5. Point is, all other ailments we’ve overcome aside, air itself could pose a problem.
  - Xjcvnx22
    
    Pollution = less oxygen. Wait….
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Pendergrass/1446225377 Kyle Pendergrass
    
    Thats irrelavent. They lived to 30 because of all the other crap they dealt with. Like famine, disease, etc.
  - diarrhea kills
    
    they didn’t have good shitters or penicillin.
  - Lolmageddon
    
    In this case, dying of natural causes would be the same as dying to air poisoning. When average life expectancy was lower in the past, it had been primarily due to health problems.
  - Blackbird94
    
    lack of medical care, high pollution levels, no vaccination against diseases, overpopulation, low sanitation.. any one of a number of factors
  - PaulisDead
    
    well that was obviously because of other diseases that werent yet curable/treatable
  - lol F this guy
    
    They clearly didnt die due to reactive oxygen species then… its not the only way you can die… -____-
  - Bluefrododog
    
    Lol what does that have to do with it?
  - Sven
    
    What if that was, like, a common misconception? Like, what if agencies like the Census Bureau just returned, you know, like the average life expectancy. So like, when a bunch of people died from smallpox, cholera, or some other disease at a young age, that got averaged in with all the people that lived to their 80s and 90s.
    
    O.O <– My eyes
    In all seriousness, though, that is what happened. There were plenty of folks that didn't make it through childhood, but if you made it past 12, you were probably due for a pretty long life (60 to 90 years). That is just another example of bad statistics
  - Maybecrazy
    
    we;re becoming immune to it?
  - Moth
    
    While I’m not an expert, I’m fairly sure that oxygen has little to do with the increased life expectancy of humans today. You can thank advances in medical science for that
  - Mark
    
    They died of other diseases. With modern advances in hygiene and cleanliness we can actually live until the Oxygen gets us, or cancer
  - Forzano
    
    the air was cleaner and fresher back then… Maybe we live longer now because the air is more polluted.
  - Miller
    
    We’ve built up an immunity to it kinda so it takes longer… lol makes sense kinda
  - Igyg
    
    they got the plague. that doesnt change the effect o2 had on them
  - Bring Out Your Dead
    
    There were plenty of other factors that could kill someone early. Such as poor medical care in every other aspect. So, you know how you get a cut on your finger now and it gets infected? You can buy neosporin for 7 dollars and you’re fine. Back then, you get an infection in your finger, and you had to start kissin gyour family members good bye. Also, going to the dentist may seem like a pain, but it is literally saving your life. One of the top causes of death in the middle ages was tooth infections. So… Also, if they got into an accident, there wasn’t much you could do about it. Cures for some issues was to cut off whole limbs, which caused may people to go into shock and die. Also, allergies. If you had a peanut allergy in 1803, you’re not going to be able to get an epipen. Basically, you’re dead. You’re dead a lot in 1803, so… that’s why.
  - Dually
    
    They lacked medical treatments and such required to live much longer than that.
  - Xwoahjessicax
    
    Are you high? They only lived to be in there 30′s back then because medicine wasn’t as advanced as it is now. They didn’t have vaccines like they give us when we’re babies. And many other things that them from living any longer. Duhh, a simple google search could have told you that.
  - Monoke
    
    Simple, more anti-oxidants in our food now.
  - Nickkkk
    
    there wa ALOT more trees, thus more “fresh” air to breathe
    - Nickkkk
      
      also like the Light at the end of life, is the beginning of a new life. So people who come back from death and say they have seen the light and god are really seeing a man in white…causing the death of the baby(you) but coming back as your old self.
  - http://profile.yahoo.com/DT4MVU2GTBA7AMFIUII3MF524U Derick
    
    they only lived to be 30 because of all of the smog and whatnot from the industrial revolution….their air was more toxic, so it killed them faster. Also, tuberculosis was pretty rampant at the time…
  - jason
    
    so many children died before they were 5, because of a thousand reasons, which would lower the average age. no one actually believes it was special to live past 30 do they? for every year someone died before 30, someone would also live past 30.
- Andre
  
  Before the air there are several other things killing people such as: uncontrolled emotions, bad food, bad habits, ingestion of unnecessary medication, lack of fresh mineral water (people survive on coca-cola and then complain about health), etc.
- http://twitter.com/sphincorp Richard Carson
  
  BULLSHIT DETECTED **BEEP**
- Chris
  
  That’s not true, because there are other oxygen-respiration animals, like tortoises, that are effectively immortal. They never die of old age – only of things like predators or disease.
- guest
  
  What about the fact that without oxygen, you die
- Durateston
  
  bla bla bla bla who knows::??????????????
- yawn
  
  ok then, go live in an environment without air. see how long you last then dude. don’t need to study biochemistry to learn that1
- Jgvgvgh
  
  correct – it is believed to be a major factor in DNA degradation, possibly the cause of ageing
Guest

Woah.
Steven Rawson

Actually, re the first: http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/03/babies-see-pure/
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1150856772 Renz Bernardo

These all actually make sense
Reza Tabibazar

Solipsism studies these same questions.
Motherfckerjones

the crazy thing about this is ive thought of all of them before reading this except the atlantis one and the bird one
http://www.facebook.com/onehundredthirteen John McConnell

haha thats funny!
Dimitri123

Now I want to hear from the DMT sage!
http://bharatbuysell.com Free India Classifieds

omg so many thought provoking ideas i really thought that my colour would be different to other colour , and i liked the end of the light it might really be true
c1f3r

boring. inspirational to idiots.
- http://www.facebook.com/fishingdeerhuntress Tabitha Dowling
  
  So I guess that makes you an idiot for reading it?
weez

what if wyld stallyns really was to be the band to save the future, but two young men decided not to form a band so as to avoid being ‘posers’?
- Enter A Vaild Email To Comment
  
  What if she’s born with it?
  
  MAYBE IT’S MAYBELLINE.
Cross Eyed Cow

What if people used question marks to denote questions?
Fishing Huntress.

lmao Who else read that in Keanu Reeve’s voice?
http://www.facebook.com/fishingdeerhuntress Tabitha Dowling

Who else read that in Keanu’s voice?
- GuitarKid7863
  
  You know it!!
- Ænonimæ Ouyeah
  
  I AM!! with dramatic background music also D:
- http://www.facebook.com/fishingdeerhuntress Tabitha Dowling
  
  Woot!
- cintraelves
  
  Sorry all narrating in my head is done by Morgan Freeman
Contactjmartin

Dude, what if work is what we do to relax and reading stuff like this is our job?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Lenny-Winkle/100003193238801 Lenny Winkle

Cracks me up. This is exactly how I spend my days. If only they’d add in one about getting baked and coming up with something I think is funny to do and then paying someone to do it so I can post it on my blog at http://Madwinkle.com.

I seriously blow so much money paying people to do dumb stuff for me while i’m high so i can postit.
Jummy dirk

Weird! Pretty sure I’ve said about half of these before. You nailed it
Miguelbenav

actually a lot of computer viruses ARE produced by the anti- virus companies….
Duggan

some of these are actually very thought-provoking
turnzilla09

You don’t have to be a stoner to think like that! Just have a wide and open thought system. We, as humans and fellow species of this planet, know absolutely nothing about the planet we’re living on. No matter how much we think we do. The answers to anything is always up for reinterpretation and change!
http://www.facebook.com/bvtech BillV

I’ve actually thought most of these at one time or another…and I don’t even smoke weed.
Katana

I wonder the same things… And I am not a stoner.
Inflatable_twerp

This used to be me
Literally, that one about the colour blue was one of the first things I ever said after smoking my first joint.
I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed of that…
Sparkling Hippo

I think it is important to treat the sleep/dream world as an important state of being, almost as important as waking life. Being awake is a system built by your brain in order to survive…feeling hungry, using sight, sound and touch to hunt for food, or create tools to make survival easier. If you consider that your senses are all just mechanisms created by an organism to simply survive, then you realize that the organism comes first (internally), and the external world is just its perception through the senses. The dream world is your mind existing perfectly fine without them, and therefore just as real.
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Amosby04

probably the most cynical outlook on life I have even seen. kind of depressing
Sven

So like, when blind people die, do their lives flash before their eyes? o.o
Phankolikescake

The Anti-Virus one is true…
Unicorngirlpearl

THATS SO FUNNY
Davidrussell80

this was fun reading high….til i read the ppl below trolling about how why air kills you
Keanu R.

What if Im Keanu and all you guys are LF(M)AO at me? I think u r retardeds and I’m not being nice at ya.
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sara

Everything’s possible nowadays, Dear Keanu. Cheer up http://www.katagogi.com/KeanuReeves