Letters to Santa serve as a great way for parents to figure out what their kids want for Christmas, but they’re also a hilarious insight into the minds of greedy children. We may never know why these kids wanted crab cakes, AK-47s and $75 in quarters, but at least these letters will always serve as incontrovertible proof that kids are super weird, and their parents will never be able to make them happy. Enjoy these 31 photos of the most mind-scratching Christmas list requests ever made.
Because Santa does NOT fuck with AT&T.
This kid provided the entire Amazon URL for Santa.
I really hope someone did a "Search and Replace: Hannah Montana" on the word "Avengers" to some little boy.
So....a fish, then?
So he wants some "money" AND a pichur of a girl? Ladies, take note of a future pimp.
Raping Paper is responsible for 85% of paper based crime in the USA. #Themoreyou know.
This kid knows what's up.
If Santa would stop listening to white kids asking for guns, we could finally make some REAL progress on the gun control issue.
I'm not a fucking mind reader, DYLAN!
I'm most definitely serving Glowing Canapes at Christmas this year.
It's tech pioneers like little Tennessee who make America great.
Some would call her a "tad overbearing," but definitely not Mitch, who won't make the same mistake twice.
This kid has been burned too many times.
When your teenage son requests a giant blanket sporting Nick Cage's face, you just give it to him and don't ask any more questions.
Of course the kind of kid to shake Santa down is the same kind of kid who asks for an AK-47.
GET THIS GODDAMN KID A PUPPY YOU GODLESS COMMUNISTS!
This kid wrote his "letters to Santa."
What happens when you ask your pre-literate child what they'd like for Christmas. Or he just really wants an EKG.
Dream big, Kieran.
I am about two thousand percent sure you can find "real leather sweatpants" SOMEWHERE in New Jersey.
Then how do you KNOW ABOUT THE HOOKERS, ANDREW???
This kid has been on that "short answer essay question" grind lately.
Let's all stop body shaming Santa now, shall we?
You have to admire the honesty.
Santa doesn't negotiate with terrorists, Devin.
Yeah, kid, we all want a pet dragon. But dreams are for chumps and sissies.
Santa always leaves his presents in the basement two weeks before Christmas, that's how he makes it to all the houses!
It's like they say, if you can't have Rogaine, gotta have Battered Pop Star!
I bet Josh is a laugh riot at Christmas dinner.
Mom Is An Independent Single Lady Who Doesn't Need No Santa Man
We should all be so lucky to have a FIRST hamster, Nathan. You are what is wrong with this country.
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