High School Senior Boasts Highest Blood Alcohol Level In His Class
June 22, 2017
“We’re all capable of great things. Greatness can be found anywhere, even at the bottom of a bottle. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
All-Female Screenings Of Wonder Woman Causes Outrage, Boners
June 20, 2017
News of women-only screenings of Wonder Woman has left many men reeling in the aftermath, causing outrage and boners across the country.
Dad Can’t Wait To Use Father’s Day Tie You Gave Him For Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
June 18, 2017
The father of three received the gift with enthusiasm, as he ran his fingers over the silk and imagined it choking the life out of him.
White House Forces Sean Spicer To Wear Shock Collar During Press Briefings
June 17, 2017
"When I get angry or inappropriate with the press, the collar delivers 4500 volts directly to my neck. Questions?”
Mom Totally Fine With Son Being Gay And If He Decides He’s Straight Again That’s Fine Too
June 15, 2017
“I’ve always wanted to be a grandmother, but if Daniel has kids he’ll probably adopt them from China or…not that it matters, of course..."
Map To Fabled Clitoris Discovered Inside Ancient Temple
June 14, 2017
“An entire armada of conquistadors was sent to the New World, hoping to find this mysterious ‘little man in the boat’; none returned.”
Mike Rowe Longingly Remembers Blue Collar Start As Purse Salesman On QVC
June 10, 2017
“I didn’t just start off selling Vera Bradley and Prada purses…at QVC they start you off with the cheap stuff and you work your way up.”