Wow! This Skilled Balloon Artist Has Never Seen A Naked Lady!
February 14, 2017
"I know society portrays balloon artists as wild sex machines fighting ladies off with sticks, but that hasn’t quite happened for me yet."
I Am More Than Just A Receptacle For Twizzlers Pull ’n Peel. I Am Also A Man.
February 13, 2017
I am not a God. I know of the small organized groups that are painting me as a savior. But I am just a man.
Google Tests Self-Driving Car That’s Cool If People Masturbate In It
February 12, 2017
“Self-driving cars are the future. They're safer, extremely fuel efficient, and, perhaps most importantly, we can all masturbate in them."
Well This Isn’t Right. Colin Hanks Has All The Train Tickets!
February 11, 2017
When I got there there was no ticket taker. Just a sign that said, “Sorry, Colin Hanks Has All The Train Tickets.”
7 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For The Real Sex Doll That Has Everything
February 10, 2017
There's nothing more luxurious than a full body massage. Now imagine that experience with a strong, germ-killing disinfectant!
Masterchef Junior Season 5 Promises Even More Children Absolutely Crumbling Under Pressure
February 9, 2017
Viewers tune in simply for the chance to watch an 11-year-old throw a complete tantrum after failing to deliver an adequate croquembouche.
Mitch McConnell Says He’s Simply Honoring Black History By Repeating It
February 8, 2017
McConnell has vowed to do everything in his power to honor Black Americans by oppressing them in "The storied tradition of this great nation."