Dorsal Fin Guy

We’ve all been there – you’ve held your heart in your hand, finally put yourself out there and risked it all for love, only to be blown off by some line. Oh, and also, you have a dorsal fin. Here are the fifteen classic excuses guys give that should tell you they’re just not that into you, which may or may not, once again, be because you have a dorsal fin:

  1. “I think you’re really great, but I don’t know if I’m ready for anything right now, with someone who has a dorsal fin.”
  1. “Your dorsal fin is very distracting to me.”
  1. “I just got out of a relationship, and to be honest, I’m not really over my ex. Furthermore, I’m just not really into the whole dorsal fin thing.”
  1. “Why do you have a dorsal fin?”
  1. “I really like you, but, like, seriously, are you half-shark? I don’t understand.”
  1. “At first I thought it might be kind of a fun sex thing, but now I don’t know why I thought that.”
  1. “Were you born with it?”
  1. “Work is really crazy for me right now. It’s also pretty crazy that you have a dorsal fin on your back.”
  1. “I’ve never met someone with a better sense of balance, but honestly it’s just too weird for me to deal with.”
  1. “When your mother was pregnant with you, did she live equidistant from the nuclear power plant and the aquarium?”
  1. “I just want to be upfront — it’s been great hanging out, and I feel like we get along really well, but I’m just not seeing this move forward. Your dorsal fin is fucking disgusting.”
  1. “I find it somewhat surprising that I need to clarify why I’m not that into you.”
  1. “When we first met at the bar, it was dark, and we were facing each other, and so I did not realize that you had a dorsal fin.”
  1. “I am attracted to all aspects of your being save for your gross physical abnormality, and my utter disgust at said abnormality outweighs all attraction that I feel.”
  1. “You deserve much better than me. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are, which is a human being with a dorsal fin on her back.”
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