“Honestly, I’m feeling pretty let down,” claimed Tony Grayson, 29, of Norman, Oklahoma, when reached for comment on the third and final day of his fishing trip in Lake Texoma — a trip that is completely devoid of sexual tension.
Reportedly, Mr. Grayson and a good friend of his, Edward Ogilvie, 32, also of Norman, have been planning this weekend for a while now, meeting frequently in the office at Ogilvie’s dishwasher store, “Inexpensive Ed’s Discount Dishwashers.”
“Nothing’s ever happened between us before,” continued Mr. Grayson, before sighing. “But I kind of thought we were both open to it. It’s 2016, y’know?”
“The first day was really promising. On the drive up here, we had a bunch of inside jokes, and we realized we both knew all the words to ‘All For You’ by Sister Hazel. But then when we got here, we didn’t even sit down for a while to take a load off. We just went straight to fishing. Then I had another moment of hope when there turned out to only be one bed in the cabin. We hadn’t expected that. But Eddie just said ‘well, no use crying over spilled milk’ and then offered to sleep on the couch.“
Improbably, and despite many occurrences that might have preluded it, including (but not necessarily limited to) looking up at the stars, listening to nice music, eye contact, cooking by candlelight, and general reminiscing, there has been little to no sexual tension between the two men.
“I thought we were about to have a moment yesterday, when we both reached for a beer at the same time, and touched hands,” continued Mr. Grayson. “But Eddie didn’t say anything, or even look at me. He just went back to singing his song about trout.”
“No, I don’t think anything will happen, to be honest. No, I feel like the trip is in its denouement.”
At this moment, Mr. Grayson heard the shower shut off, looked in the direction of the bedroom, gave me a quick goodbye kiss on the lips, and ushered me out. And as I closed the door, he began to softly sing:
It’s hard to say what it is i see in you
wonder if I’ll always be with you
if words can’t say and I can’t do
enough to prove
it’s all for you
It’s moments like this when I remember why I love being a reporter.