4. Condoms.

Don’t be a derp, avoid the herps. Trust me, the government would rather compensate you for a years’ worth of Trojans than pay for your prescription drug cocktails when you get too sick to work.

5. Anal Beads.

I know what you’re thinking “I got my anal beads on Amazon for less than $5, are they even worth writing off?” The answer is yes. In this economy you have to save money wherever you can.

6. Double-sided Dildo.

The IRS now requires you to fill out a form for Dildos, Vibrators, and Strap-Ons. You can print one from the official IRS website or pick one up at your local smut peddler of choice.

Tax Return Deductions Pampers

7. Medicare Premiums And Out Of Pocket Expenses.

Senior citizens can rack up rather large medical bills. Viagra, hip replacement surgery, vaginal retightening and restructuring, denture cream, Pampers… the list is endless. The bad news is that Medicare only covers so much before you have to start paying out of pocket. The good news is that a lot of what it doesn’t cover is deductible. I’m personally writing off the breast de-wrinkling I had done in February.

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