Are you a total pussy? Then here are a few things you’ll identify with, you worthless dildo:

1. You respect women like a dickless fucktard.

Keep calm and respect women.

And I bet you’re all up in arms about this equal pay thing too, huh?

2. You’re gonna try to tell me this is art.

I prefer Thomas Kinkade, Painter of LIght

Looks like of jizz stains to me.

3. You ride a bike. Ladi-friggin-da.

Pussies Bike

4. You’ve complained about this poster hanging in our shared dorm room.

Erotic, but tasteful.

Nothing’s hotter than lesbians wearing 100% cotton underwear sets, bro.

5. You’re a limp dick hipster.

Look at that fucking hipster.

To be honest, I don’t know what “hipster” really means, but I’m gonna keep insisting that you are one.

6. This is you on a Friday night.

Only if there are Jaegerbombs.

Uh, PASS. Lol.

7. You’ve been to a potluck or whatever the fuck they call that thing where a bunch of hippies bring food and act all communal and shit.

Pitch-in is a more manly term.

Tofu: the other white pussy meat.

8. When you run it’s like:

Don't pussyfoot around

Get it? You run like a girl. Hehe.

9. You think reading books makes you better than everyone else.

[Books are for pussies

Sorry if I don’t have a hard-on for Mark fucking Twain. I’m too busy nailing chicks to read.

10. You go to comedy shows and don’t heckle the comedians.

I'm funnier than this guy, I should be up there.

They’re not there for you to respectfully listen, bro. They like being yelled at.

11. I make one little racist joke in the spirit of fun and you get all self-righteous.

Pussies don't like jokes

12. You think you’re better than me, but who’s the one writing listicles on the internet, ya big pussy?


That’s what I thought.

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