Ten years ago, Massachusetts became the first U.S. state to legalize gay marriage. At the time, many people feared the consequences of letting homosexuals profess their love for each other like humans. Today we look back at some of the dire predictions that actually did come true.
1. The Red Sox also broke with Massachusetts’ traditional values and won a few World Series championships.
2. 53% of all straight marriages are now gay. :(
3. The Great Satan, Barrack Hu-Satan Obama was “elected” president. Beelz-Obama’s gender-bending interests include nanny state health care and mom jeans.
4. In 2003, we declared Mission Accomplished in Iraq. In 2004, gay marriage was legalized, and the Iraq war turned disastrous. Coincidence? Wake up, Sheeple.
5. The gay divorce rate is up a whopping 500,000 percent.
6. Bachelor parties have become hedonistic rituals filled with strippers and booze.
7. Dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
8. Straight men are no longer getting married because they think it’s kind of gay now, bro.
9. Prison profits are down because manly men who were planning on committing elaborate Ocean’s Eleven-style heists at the local 7-11 to score some mad money or at least Big Gulps and lotto tickets are instead obsessed by thinking about their gay neighbors Gary and Roger doing it. I mean how does that even work? And why am I aroused?
10. Treating gay people as humans equally deserving of happiness discourages them from leading the closeted unfulfilled lives that God intended.