Cough Drop Purse Dies Mother

Having come down with a cold just days ago, Spokane, Washington resident, Jamie Bowen, suddenly realized that, along with the recent death of her mother went any chance of being offered a cough drop when she needs it, possibly ever again.

“It’s just a really tough time for me right now,” said Bowen. “It always hits my sinuses the hardest and leaves me with the worst headache for like, days.”

Usually quick to reveal a single lozenge at the first sign of a cough, sore throat, or sniffle, Bowen’s recently departed mother, Shannon, passed away due to complications following a recent surgical procedure. Bowen has been taking the loss hard and frequently reminisces over treasured memories.

“It’s not even just the cough drops that I’ll miss,” an emotional Bowen stated. “Those tiny pouches of tissues that I grew up with will probably never make an appearance in my life ever again. I mean, where do you even buy those things? The airport? I don’t even know.”

Since her mother’s passing last April, Bowen has made attempts to accept the loss over time, moving on slowly, but surely.

“I’ve tried just buying my own bag and carrying them around myself,” Bowen recalled, of the 50 count Ricola Natural Herb cough drops purchased at the first signs of “another goddamn summer cold” last August. “But they just spill out immediately, and little pieces of tobacco somehow slip inside those wrappers. The whole thing just turns into a big sticky mess.”

With Bowen’s upcoming nuptials now just around the corner, the 26-year-old orphan finds herself missing her mother more than ever, and plans to incorporate a punch bowl filled with honey-lemon flavored Halls at the reception as a commemoration to her legacy.

“I guess I just always thought someone would be there with a little squirt of Purell hand sanitizer on my big day, but I guess that’s just not what the big guy upstairs had planned,” Bowen said. “Ooh, maybe she still has some disinfectant spray kicking around in her Saab’s center console. I should make sure they haven’t impounded that yet.”

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