Speaking to the world’s most powerful people in finance, Hillary Clinton shattered a previous single-night fundraising record by raising 5 million dollars as the keynote speaker for this year’s annual Goldman Sach’s masquerade orgy. Sporting a monochrome clown mask with a single tear drop of blood streaming from the left eye, Clinton promised that all gods and mortals alike shall bow in eternity to all-consuming avarice. The single largest donation came from Goldman Sach’s CEO Lloyd Blankfein, who signed a 1 million dollar check for Hillary Clinton’s campaign while receiving analinigus from a 19 year old Cypriot adonis named Xavier.
