Hey, Buddy. I heard you’ve been having a tough year. I thought these pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio in cargo shorts might cheer you up. See? We’ve all had better days:
Just look at how terrible those cargo shorts look on him. Sure, he looks like he's having fun, but not as much fun as you had in college. Remember that time you took 21 shots on you 21st birthday and then- oh, I'm glad to hear AA is going well. Is your sponsor nice?
I’m really sorry about the job. You've got to stop thinking about what you could’ve done differently. Just look at Leo. He’s worked hard his whole life and what does he have to show for it besides dozens of starring roles in critically acclaimed films? No Oscar, and no sense of fashion.
Sure, Leo has MILLIONS of dollars, but what does that matter? This is what he chose to wear right after giving a speech about climate change at the UN. Oh no, I hadn’t heard that you moved back in with your parents. I’m sure it’s just temporary.
Captain? Captain of what? Wearing women's sunglasses? Oh man your lacrosse captain just died river tubing in Laos? Well maybe he shouldn't have done that while tripping on mushrooms. No, you're right I shouldn't be tainting his memory.
Listen, I’m really not qualified to tell you if that lump on your ball is benign or not. No, please keep your pants on. We’re in public.
Okay, so he’s not technically wearing cargo shorts here, but what is a fanny pack if not a pair of cargo shorts for your waist? And a fedora? That’s just a pair of cargo shorts for your head. I just saw a smile. Yes I did.
What's he trying to hide with that beard? Am I right? You never told me you were bullied in high school because you couldn't grow a beard. How could I have known that?
You know who can pull off a newsboy cap? Definitely not Leonardo DiCaprio. How are you making this about your terrible relationship with your father? There wasn't even a segue into that.
Wow doesn’t he look like a loser, hanging out with Naomi Campbell and some other models on a yacht. What do you mean this isn’t helping? You’re not helping.
I'm sorry there are just a lot of pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio wearing cargo shorts on romantic bicycle rides with beautiful women. I'm just going to stop.
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