Quiz: Can We Guess What Mobile Game You Play While You Poop?

These days, we really can’t go anywhere without our phones—and that includes the bathroom. Sometimes those five minutes on the john can be just enough time to crush some candy or plan a raid on a rival clan. Let us guess your number one game for when you go number two!

1. In the days before smart phones, what was your preferred way to waste time while taking a dump?

   1. Doing crossword puzzles or Sudoku—anything that exercises my brain.
   2. Reading the funnies. That Marmaduke is friggin’ hilarious!
   3. Balancing my checkbook.
   4. Throwing my parakeet at stuff.

2. What's your favorite non-electronic game?

   1. Trivial Pursuit, because, well, not to sound like a jerk, but I kind of know everything.
   2. Oh man, remember the jingle from that Connect Four commercial? “Go for it red! Go for it black! Go for it (get off my back). Connect Four!” I’m sorry, what was the question?
   3. Magic the Gathering. Sometimes I think cataloging my cards and organizing them by color and rareness is more fun than actually playing the game!
   4. Throwing my parakeet at stuff.

3. How would you describe your bathroom?

   1. Lot’s of books and magazines. Mostly the classics—Thoreau, Hemingway, and The New Yorker. Secretly, though, I have a Dean Koontz novel hidden under a toilet paper koozie.
   2. Lot’s of seashells and colorful prints on the wall. Just because what you do in there is gross doesn’t mean that the bathroom itself has to be.
   3. Well, let’s see…I have decorative towels, guest towels, and then towels for everyday use.
   4. There are lots of dead parakeets littering the floor in various stages of decomposition.

4. What was your favorite thing to read as a kid?

   1. The Illustrated Classics version of War and Peace...Okay fine, it was issues of Spectacular Spiderman. Happy now?
   2. The jokes on the back of the Apple Jacks box. An 800 lb Gorilla would indeed sleep wherever it wants. Delightful!
   3. I used to read Choose Your Own Adventure books, but they stressed me out too much. “Should I turn to page 36 or page 112...um, I’ll fight the troll on page 112. ‘You died, go back to page 1.’ Oh man, I knew I should have picked page 36!”
   4. The Complete Book of Parakeet Care.

5. What is your favorite movie?

   1. What’s that one from Stanley Kubrick that everyone loves? It’s definitely that one.
   2. Labyrinth is my absolute favorite movie but, really, anything from Hot Topic is good.
   3. All 48 hours of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
   4. Whichever Monty Python movie has the dead parrot sketch.

6. How much non-bathroom time do you spend playing games on your phone?

   1. At least a few hours a day.
   2. Whenever I’m not busy taking care of my kitties.
   3. I'm not sure I ever stop playing.
   4. I am currently in the process of having my left hand removed and replaced with an iPhone.

7. Do you ever spend actual money on mobile games?

   1. No, that's a foolhardy endeavor. I’m too smart for that.
   2. A couple of bucks, but only once or twice to unlock new levels.
   3. I'm like 10 grand in the hole easy.
   4. Nah, they keep releasing new variations and spinoffs so there's no point in spending money if I'm just going to jump to the new version in a week.

8. Other than playing games, what do you use your smart phone for the most?

   1. Going on Facebook and telling everyone who disagrees with me how stupid they are.
   2. OMG I luv 2 text :-)
   3. Maintaining my fantasy football team. I have to be able to make trades and substitutions anytime, anywhere.
   4. I stand it up on a flat surface and throw my parakeet at it to see if I can knock it down.

9. Do you ever get so caught up in your game that you forget to wash your hands before you leave the bathroom?

   1. No way! I’m not some sort of uncultured troglodyte.
   2. Oh gosh, I try to remember, but sometimes there’s just too much going on and I get sidetracked.
   3. I don't have time—my guild is going on a raid!
   4. Oh man, is that how my parakeet got E. coli?

10. Do you ever lie about having to poop just so that you can play your game?

    1. Only when I get an alert saying it's my turn. So pretty much all the time.
    2. No, I really do have to poop as frequently as I say I do.
    3. Hey, if someone is attacking me I need to take care of it. If that means faking a burrito-based colon explosion, so be it.
    4. Sometimes I just need a few minutes to myself. Parakeets are so needy.

You got Angry Birds!

You like throwing birds at stuff and a large percentage of your day is devoted to sliding your finger back and forth across glass.

Share Your Results

• Share
• Tweet
• Email

You got Words with Friends!

You have an aching need for everyone to think you’re smart as you think you are. To that end, you spend all of your free time, including potty time, lording your superior word power over those few saps still willing to engage you socially. Now how many points for “Douche-canoe” with a triple letter score?

Share Your Results

• Share
• Tweet
• Email

You got Candy Crush Saga!

You are one of those excruciatingly “happy” people whose fake cheer is actually masking the horrible emptiness in your soul. You love Pixar movies, internet cats, and feels. You need a game with aggressively bright colors that rewards you with fun noises when you complete rudimentary tasks. Sure, it's empty validation, but until you get that hug from dad that you've always wanted, matching three jellybeans of the same color will have to do.

Share Your Results

• Share
• Tweet
• Email

You got Clash of Clans!

You have finally found an outlet for your OCD-like need to organize and micromanage everything. Now, instead of getting those funny looks from co-workers while you spend 20 minutes tidying up your paperclip drawer, you can spend that time in the bathroom racking up enough gold to buy those Tier 3 troops to break through your opponent’s wizard towers. Nobody is buying “Oh geez guys, I really have to stop eating shrimp from the roach coach!” two days in a row, by the way.

Share Your Results

• Share
• Tweet
• Email