Quiz: Does Everyone Hate You Or Did This High Take A Turn For The Worse?

You’re chilling at somebody’s apartment, smoking, having a good time, when suddenly something changes and you can’t help but feel like maybe everyone hates you. It’s palpable… or wait, is it? It sure feels like people are looking at you funny, but then again, you’re super fucking high.

Take this quiz to see if this shit is real or in your head, but keep it quick so people don’t think you’re being antisocial:

1. How many people are looking at you right now?

   1. These nachos are amazing.
   2. Feels like everybody.
   3. Just Randy.
   4. Do you think ducks get self-conscious?

2. How’s the conversation going?

   1. You told a story about a dream that took a little too long, but you wrapped it up eventually.
   2. Feels like Randy is passive aggressively dissing your taste in music.
   3. Ducks can swim, fly, and walk. How cool would that be?
   4. It’s hard to talk while eating all of these nachos.

3. How do you know these people?

   1. Not well enough to go to town on these nachos at the rate you are.
   2. Do those duck mating call whistles actually work?
   3. Better than Randy, even though he acts like he's so "in" with everyone.
   4. You were on an OkCupid date and somehow ended up smoking with these randos you guys starting talking to at the bar when you realized you had nothing else to say to each other.

4. Did you just bring up the topic of God?

   1. Yes, and Randy already asked you to not be such a stereotype.
   2. Yes, but you don’t know why. You panicked.
   3. No, but he definitely exists because goddamn it if queso dip isn’t a sign of intelligent design. Heh heh.
   4. What if God was a duck?

5. Are you forcing people to watch a YouTube video you “swear will totally be worth it”?

   1. Feels like people used to talk about ducks a lot more, doesn’t it?
   2. Yes, and everybody seemed to be enjoying it until Randy said, “So are we making this a marathon now?”
   3. Yes, but you’re totally regretting it now. Nobody is as entertained by a Northern Lights time lapse as you had previously thought.
   4. That would force you to stop eating these nachos right now, so no.

6. Do you have any unresolved issues with people around you?

   1. Randy always seems to have an issue with you.
   2. You never apologized to Sarah for spilling soy sauce on her carpet, but it wasn’t a huge deal.
   3. Yeah, but who cares when nachos are this well-balanced. Seriously, there’s the perfect ratio of olives in there, and you don’t usually like olives on your nachos.
   4. Wait, a mallard is male? There can’t be a female mallard, right?

7. Are you acting weird?

   1. Holy shit... there's shredded chicken in this.
   2. Dude, people are gonna wonder why we’ve both been in the bathroom for this long.
   3. Quack, quack. Ha. Quack. That’s not what ducks really sound like.
   4. Randy said so, but Randy’s garbage. Why do you stay friends with him?

8. What’s everyone up to after this?

   1. Grabbing Chipotle since you ate all the nachos.
   2. Wait, are we gonna have to get up soon? I’m not ready to stand right now.
   3. The park. I need to go see some fuckin’ ducks soon.
   4. Randy suggested going to a movie, but it felt like you weren’t invited.

Well, you ate all the nachos.

With nachos that delicious, how was anyone doing anything other than filling their mouths with as much of it as possible? Were you really the only one? Well, fuck. Just make some sort of lighthearted joke about it and see how people react. If they still seem pissed, smooth things over by ordering Seamless.

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Probably not? But I’m kinda high too.

Uhhh… I don’t think so? But then again, I’m super blazed. Definitely can’t give you an objective opinion. Do you, like, think there’s a reason people would hate you? Oh, yeah, I could see that... Shit, didn’t mean to make you even more paranoid. Just forget about it. It’s probably a non-issue. I’m way too high to give you a real answer.

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Just Randy, but Randy’s always weird.

Randy always has a grudge against someone, and you’re just the person he landed on this time around. Dude’s really insecure. Don’t let it ruin your buzz. That guy’s a total dick.

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Ducks are so weird if you really think about them.

They’re kinda blowing my mind right now. They’re ambidextrous, but like, for modes of transportation. Can you imagine diving into a pond, swimming around, then just deciding your gonna fucking float for a bit? Why can’t we all be ducks?

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