With summer rehab season right around the corner, we thought it was time to put together a style guide filled with the best looks for your unique rehabilitation situation. Whether you’re undergoing treatment for narcotics, necrophilia, a nascent taste for unprescribed anxiety medication, or anything in between, Runt has you covered with our 2015 Spring Rehab Style Guide:
Alcohol & Cut Out One-Pieces
Take a dip while you’re drying out in a cut out swimsuit, and soon everyone at your rehab facility will know who the hottest addict is. Throw on a surf inspired strappy neoprene sandal and a pair of oversized sunglasses to complete the look.
Anorexia & Sporty Minimalism
They can force you eat, but they can’t make you stand still. Jump into the sporty minimalist trend feet first and keep the pounds off in style. Stick to a simple black and white palette (slimming) and use all those extra pockets to hide emergency laxatives for the days you can’t schedule a sixth workout.
Cocaine & Colored Suede
The weather’s warming up, but your core body temperature sure feels like it’s plummeting. Keep the chills at bay with this super soft fabric that doubles as an excellent insulator. Bonus points for swaddling yourself in a White & Warren Cashmere Travel Wrap and finding a sunny spot to take a nap for the next week or three.
We said this was a style guide, not an outlet mall coupon book.
Heroin & Baby Hairs
So what that these “slicked-down tendrils” have the Twitter community up in arms for appropriating black and latina style without understand the cultural context under which that trademark trend developed. You don’t care what they think any more than you cared when social services took your away children.
They’ll be perfect for mimicking the withdrawal symptoms you should be experiencing…we mean are experiencing. You didn’t swallow a balloon filled with smack before starting treatment.
If you’re in rehab for weed then no amount of style advice can make you suck less. Sorry.
Sex & Gingham
Gingham isn’t just for picnic blankets and baby showers anymore. The bold print graced every runway from Oscar de la Renta to Ralph Lauren this season and is coming soon to a rehab center near you.
When you slip into a baby-blue gingham jumper you’ll be saying to your counselor, Steven, that yes, the old you would’ve begged him to bend you over the “No Means No” informational booth and fuck you like the bad little girl you are, but that was ten whole days ago.
Shopping & All Spring Trends
If you’re struggling with a shopping addiction then any of the looks featured above can work. All it’ll take is an investment in some staple pieces, and then a minor splurge on some bold accent pieces, and finally daily visits to ASOS, American Apparel, Urban Outfitters, Brandy Melville, Nasty Gal, GILT, Etsy, ModCloth, Topshop, Tobi, and UNIF to keep your look fresh.
If you liked RUNT’s Rehab Style Guide, be sure to check out 6 Easy Steps To Evade The Feds While Looking Chic As Fuck.