Neil Diamond: Sweet Caroline
You finally agreed to go to a baseball game with the in-laws, and you couldn’t just sit there and shove food in your mouth for nine innings like a normal human being. You had to have that eleventh beer and make a goddamn ass out of both of you. Again. “Sox suck,” is not a reason to drink, Blake. When’s it gonna end?
Robert Burns: Auld Lang Syne
It was New Years Eve, and you were “rocking” that dress from Forever 21. It wasn’t too tight. The side boob was barely noticeable. You knew this because both of your roommates had promised you that you were “pulling it off.” This dress was proof that this was going to be your year. Blissfully ignorant to the fact that people can’t actually own years, you searched around for someone to kiss at midnight. When the clock struck and you were still alone with your side boob, you panicked and went whole hog singing a song that you didn’t even know the first words to. Luckily, by the time you started singing “keep your eye on the old lang flag,” some dude had puked in the pretzel bowl, and people had better things to worry about.
Eddie Vedder: Every Single Pearl Jam Song
Jesus Christ. It’s your band. You wrote these songs. Get it together, Vedder.
If you enjoyed these painful memories bought to you by song, you should check out pains of love portrayed by pizza and hilarious selfie fails. And before you go, be sure to like Runt of the Web on Facebook!