Barista

“There’s just something so relaxing about knowing some guy will never walk the same, ever again.”

A St. Louis, Missouri resident will be indulging in some much-needed downtime tonight after a long day of working at a busy cafe. In an effort to treat himself after serving the general public for eight consecutive hours, the barista plans to unwind with a nice, 12-minute video featuring bulls mauling spectators at various festivals in Spain.

Dennis Belich, 31, usually works just over 40 hours per week at his customer service position. “I take food and drink orders, ring people up, pour granola on the parfaits, that sort of thing,” he explains.

“The job itself is super easy, and everyone I work with is cool, but the customers honestly make me want to kill myself or someone else,” Belich states. “Usually someone else.”

Following a particularly rough day, Belich looks forward to feeling the tension in his muscles slip away at the sight of spectators being gored by the horns of a large, disgruntled animal.

“After a long day of repeatedly answering the same questions, all clearly stated on a menu not two feet above my own head, nothing feels better than kicking off my shoes, sinking into the couch, and forgetting all my troubles as I witness dozens of people getting flipped like rag dolls in the street,” Belich explains.

The violent footage will give the young man a much-needed reprieve in an otherwise stressful week.

“I mean, I just really get that bull, you know?” Belich states. “All those years of taking so much shit from people in cargo shorts on their cell phones day in and day out and then finally, that raw power just gets unleashed and it’s like ‘Fuck you,’ you know? ‘FUCK YOU!’”

“I mean, that’s what it seems like the bull is thinking,” he adds.

The video, just one of many Belich has downloaded for easy reference on his computer, is part of an ongoing, self-care routine Belich has worked to create for himself, with the help and medical guidance of a trained and licensed therapist.

“There’s just something about hearing hundreds of people screaming in fear of being trampled to death by a 2,000-pound animal that helps take the edge off after stamping about 200 ‘Buy 10, get 1 free’ customer loyalty cards,” says Belich. “It’s like, I can finally just breathe.”

Belich hopes to enjoy soaking in the relaxing comfort of knowing that somewhere, some guy will have trouble putting too much weight on his right knee for the rest of his life.

“It’s the little things,” Belich says.

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