Female Friends Slow Back Away

“No, no, I’m riveted, please continue.”

In our culture, we focus a lot on romantic relationships: from finding love, to keeping love, and what to do when love fades. But for women, there’s a far more complex human relationship that society tends to ignore: the female friendship. And, unlike the well-traveled realm of romance, there’s virtually no road map for the intense ups and downs of some grade-A girl drama.

We’ve all been there: you have a girlfriend who just slowly starts to chip away at your sanity. Maybe she’s acting too clingy; maybe she’s become intensely thoughtless; maybe she started wearing your signature scent after you very clearly stated that Byredo Mojave Ghost is your signature scent. Regardless of the specifics, this bitch is on your last nerve. And even though you consider yourself a mature, emotionally intelligent, loyal friend, you want her to disappear from the planet in a one-person Leftovers type scenario.

So, how do you disengage from a female friend? As we all know, simply dumping her is totally out of the question. That’s far too harsh, and quite frankly terrifying. Do you really want her to think of you when Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood comes on? Imagine the drama that would ensue after ghosting a BFF! Seriously, imagine it, all night in bed with your eyes wide open and your palms sweating.

Properly ending a female friendship is an extremely delicate, lengthy process. I call it “The Slow Back Away,” and it’s an effective method for gradually, stealthily ending things. Here are some key strategies I recommend for achieving the perfect Slow Back Away.

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