When a new year approaches, we tend to create fantasies about what the next year will bring: untold riches, six-pack abs, and the chance to brush Tom Brady’s hair. But alas, some Twitter users are a little more realistic about what to expect in the future, as evidenced by this collection of the funniest New Year’s resolutions:

Thanks to Twitter for some of the images used in this gallery. And for more funny galleries, head over to the greatest funny tweets and the best tweets about carbs, our one true love.

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