Here at Pfizer, we’re dedicated to bringing you the fastest solutions to every one of life’s little problems. From incontinence to extended adolescence and everything in between, you can look to Pfizer for your answer.
Life moves fast, but Pfizer pharmaceuticals move faster. Stop doing the things your body tells you to do and get back to doing the things you love, with these Pfizer inspired life hacks.
Life Hack #1: Manage Your Rheumatoid Arthritis Pain With Celebrex
*side effects include gastrointestinal bleeding, heart attack, stroke, or death.
Life Hack #2: Get Off The Bathroom Line And Back To The Party With Detrol
*side effects include dry mouth, dry eyes, blurred vision, and dizziness, but let’s be real - you have half of those already don’t you?
Life Hack #3: Use Geodon To Get Your Roommate To Stop Acting Like Such A Psycho
Grind some up in your roommate's morning coffee every day for 3-4 weeks, and eventually she'll forget that she was ever mad at you. That bitch cray.
*side effects include fainting, fast or pounding heartbeat, fever, confusion, sweating, white patches or sores inside your mouth or on your lips, uncontrolled shaking, agitation, hostility, extreme hunger, and painful, long-lasting erections.
Life Hack #4: Combine Cytotec and Mifepristone To Take Care Of That Little Mistake You Made With Terence On Margarita Night
*side effects include heart attack, large purple or brown skin blotches, bloody urine, depression, excessive sweating, hair loss, loss of skin color, trouble breathing
Life Hack #5: Lose That Winter Weight Moment With Viracept
*side effects include sores in your mouth and throat, fruity breath odor, pale skin, problems walking and swallowing, severe lower back pain, hand tremors, loss of bowel control, and rectal bleeding.
Life Hack #6: Quiet The Existential Dread With Zoloft
Stop bumming everyone out and start living your life!
*side effects include, but are not limited to, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, diarrhea, anorexia, decreased libido, ejaculation failure, agitation, and suicidal thoughts.